I had my first experience of alcohol when I was about twelve or thirteen years old. That seemingly innocent introduction would eventually lead me to one of the darkest places in my life. At first, I loved the way alcohol made me feel. It gave me confidence, helped me relax, and allowed me to become the person I wished I could be. I began to look forward to weekends because they meant drinking with friends, escaping my insecurities, and forgetting my problems for a little while.

When I was around fifteen, I met Roy, the man who would later become my husband. We met in a local pub called The Farmers Rest in East Belfast, and from there our relationship began. Alcohol was woven into our lives from the very beginning and continued to dominate them for many years.

We married when I was just seventeen and Roy was nineteen. By the age of nineteen, I had two children. Looking back, my greatest regret is that our children did not receive the secure and stable start in life that they deserved because alcohol had such a hold on our family. I am deeply thankful to the Lord that, through His grace, He has brought healing to our family over the years.

As time passed, the consequences of alcohol became increasingly destructive. Like so many families affected by addiction, we experienced brokenness, heartache, and emotional pain. I was deeply unhappy and spent much of my life battling depression. I was constantly going to the doctor looking for help, yet I never really understood what was wrong or how to change. There were times when I felt completely overwhelmed and even suicidal. I simply could not cope, and I had no idea where to turn.

Then one evening, while sitting in my mother-in-law’s house having a drink, Roy’s stepbrother called in. He began sharing how God had completely changed his life. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. For the first time, something stirred deep within my heart. Hope began to rise, and I found myself longing for the peace and joy that he seemed to have discovered.

He invited me to church, and although I had been drinking, I promised I would go. The following Sunday morning, Roy reminded me of what I had said. True to his word, his stepbrother arrived that evening and took me to Templemore Hall in East Belfast. From the moment I walked through the doors, I sensed something different. Even the atmosphere seemed filled with peace. I cannot fully explain it, but I knew I had come to the right place.

I returned again and again, eager to learn more. After my third visit, the pastor invited anyone who needed help to come forward. I knew that invitation was meant for me. I was broken, desperate, and fully aware that I could not continue living as I had been. Together with the pastor and his wife, I knelt before God in February 1989 and asked Him to forgive me, help me, and change my life. It was the beginning of everything.

When I returned home, Roy struggled to understand what had happened. He was uncertain about the changes he saw in me and was not eager for our lives to change. Yet God had begun a work that no one could stop. He transformed my heart, gave me a new purpose, and placed within me a deep desire to help others who were trapped in addiction, just as I had been.

Our journey, however, was far from easy. Roy continued drinking, and in 1990 our family was devastated when my brother David tragically took his own life. I was the one who found him, and the trauma left deep emotional scars. For a long time I wondered if I would ever recover. There were moments when I believed I was losing my own mind and feared I might never heal.

During that painful season, God sustained me through His Word. Isaiah 41:10 became a lifeline: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Those words carried me through the darkest days of my life.

Little by little, God placed faithful people around me who encouraged me, prayed for me, and helped rebuild my broken heart. As I continued to grow in my faith, my burden for those struggling with addiction grew stronger. Through a friend who was also battling alcohol dependency, our pastor contacted Stauros for help, and in 1990 I began volunteering with the ministry.

Although God was working powerfully in my life, difficult years still lay ahead. Roy continued drinking, my brother Roy became seriously ill through alcoholism—a disease that would eventually claim his life—and my mother was diagnosed with cancer. At the same time, my own marriage was falling apart. There were moments when I truly believed there was no hope for us.

Then, in 2001, everything began to change. Roy entered Ballyards Castle, Stauros’ residential centre for people struggling with addiction. Only a few days after arriving, he surrendered his life to Jesus Christ. We still had a journey ahead of us, but from that moment onward God began restoring not only Roy, but also our marriage and our family. It was almost impossible to believe what God had done, yet His transforming power was unmistakable.

Over the years, God has restored what once seemed beyond repair. He has rebuilt our marriage, strengthened our family, and given us a shared purpose in serving Him. I often think of the promise found in Philippians 1:6: “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” That verse has become a testimony of God’s faithfulness throughout our lives.

Today, Roy and I continue to serve the Lord through the ministry of Stauros. It is an incredible privilege to walk alongside men and women who are facing the same struggles we once knew so well. We have witnessed countless lives transformed and many people set free from addiction through the love and power of Jesus Christ.

When I look back over my life, I do not see a story defined by brokenness, addiction, or despair. Instead, I see the faithfulness of a God who never gave up on me, who brought beauty from ashes, hope from hopelessness, and healing from deep wounds. To Him alone belongs all the glory.

From an early age I experienced severe physical abuse and emotional neglect. I was frequently the focus of my father’s anger, regardless of whether I had done anything wrong. One particularly traumatic incident remains vivid in my memory. After deliberately placing a dessert in a hot oven, my father forced me to remove the dish with my bare hands, threatening further violence if I dropped it. Unable to bear the pain, I dropped the dish, which resulted in a violent assault that left me requiring hospital treatment for injuries to my head.

Alongside the physical abuse, I was also subjected to sexual abuse over a period of approximately two years. Like many survivors, I remained silent through fear, manipulation, shame, and threats that disclosure would destroy my family. I did not begin to address these experiences until my early forties. The long-term effects of this trauma significantly influenced my behaviour throughout childhood and adolescence.

From the age of ten I was under the care of a psychologist because of behavioural difficulties. I struggled with aggression, emotional regulation, and authority, leading to repeated exclusions from school. At the age of twelve I was permanently excluded from mainstream education following a violent incident involving the headteacher. With no local school willing to accept me, I was placed in an approved school where I remained for four years.

During this period I discovered boxing, which provided discipline, structure, and a positive outlet for my emotions. However, a serious eye injury ended any prospect of pursuing the sport further. By the age of thirteen I had begun using alcohol as a coping mechanism. Drinking became a way of escaping recurring trauma, emotional pain, and distressing memories. Looking back, alcohol misuse and violence had become learned patterns of behaviour that reflected the environment in which I had been raised.

At the age of eighteen I met Lynne, who would later become my wife. We married two years later and began raising our family, welcoming our son Daniel in 1985 and our daughter Lauren in 1991. Throughout those early years, alcohol continued to dominate my life and placed enormous strain on our marriage and family. Although I maintained employment, I also worked as a nightclub door supervisor, where alcohol consumption and violence were commonplace. This environment reinforced unhealthy behaviours and led to involvement with individuals and situations that caused harm both to myself and to others.

I take full responsibility for the pain my addiction caused my family. My wife demonstrated remarkable patience, resilience, and commitment during those years, despite having every reason to walk away. There came a point when our marriage was close to breaking down.

Through family connections I was introduced to Laurence Hennessey of the Stauros Foundation. Initially I was sceptical about faith and questioned how a loving God could exist in light of my childhood experiences. Nevertheless, Laurence remained patient, supportive, and consistent. Rather than offering simplistic answers, he demonstrated genuine compassion and hope.

In February 1992, recognising that I could no longer continue living as I had been, I made the decision to place my faith in Jesus Christ. This marked the beginning of lasting personal transformation. Recovery for me involved not only freedom from alcohol but also learning forgiveness, accepting responsibility for my actions, and discovering a secure sense of identity and purpose. My wife came to faith several months later, and in time both of our children also made personal commitments to Christ.

Following my own recovery, I became increasingly convinced that my experiences could be used to support others facing addiction and life-controlling issues. I began volunteering with the Stauros Foundation alongside Laurence Hennessey, providing practical and pastoral support to individuals affected by substance misuse and associated challenges.

When Laurence and his wife relocated to establish the ministry in Southern Ireland in 1994, I was invited to continue leading the work in England. After several years of voluntary service, my wife and I felt called to commit ourselves fully to this ministry. In September 1998 I joined the staff of the Stauros Foundation on a full-time basis.

Since then I have worked extensively throughout England and Wales, supporting individuals experiencing addiction, homelessness, offending behaviour, family breakdown, and other complex needs. My approach has always been informed by lived experience, professional integrity, safeguarding principles, and a belief in treating every individual with dignity, respect, and hope. Over the years I have witnessed many people achieve sustained recovery, rebuild family relationships, and establish positive, productive lives within their communities.

In 2017 I began developing additional work within the prison system, supporting men with addictions, trauma histories, and other complex challenges. Prison ministry has provided opportunities not only to offer practical support and mentoring but also to encourage personal responsibility, restoration, and spiritual growth for those who wish to explore the Christian faith. It has been a privilege to witness many individuals make significant positive changes during and following their sentences.

Throughout more than twenty-five years of ministry, I have remained committed to serving people who are often marginalised, excluded, or considered beyond help. My own experiences have reinforced the importance of hope, perseverance, appropriate boundaries, safeguarding, accountability, and compassionate support. While recovery is never without challenges, I have seen countless examples of individuals transforming their lives when given consistent encouragement, practical help, and the opportunity to discover renewed purpose.

Today I remain grateful for the opportunity to continue serving through the Stauros Foundation. My personal history has never defined my future; rather, it has equipped me to understand the realities of addiction and trauma while offering hope to others. I believe lasting recovery involves addressing the whole person—physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually—and I remain committed to supporting individuals, families, churches, and communities as they work towards lasting freedom and restoration.

My aunt was a Christian and was praying for my family. She asked my mother if she would go to some Christian meetings near where we lived. One of the churches taking people left an impression on my mother and she referred to them as the “church of the smiling people” because they had a genuine joy. God was working on my dad as well in those days. At the end of the week of meeting my parents decided to go to church on Sunday. They found out when the “Church of the Smiling People” (Barcroft Bible Church in Arlington) had services. I didn’t want to go, one, because I didn’t believe in God, and, the time of the service was at the same time Tarzan came on TV. We all went. The air conditioner was broken at the church and it was hot and humid. It was 26 June 1977. All I wanted was to get back home. However, the Gospel was preached that day and my father gave his heart and life to Jesus Christ to be his Lord and Saviour. The excitement of my dad was strange because he believed in a God that I didn’t believe existed. We started to give thanks at the meal table for food. This was a bridge too far in my mind. My parents started taking me to church and Sunday school on Sundays. I hated this. Each summer I would go to my grandparents’ house in New Jersey and stay a couple of weeks. They lived on a lake, had a couple canoes, fishing rods and everything boys would like. My grandparents were church goers but they really didn’t understand much about the Gospel. Reluctantly, I went to church with them and then onto the Sunday school class. The teacher of the class gave a lesson on being thankful to God. I had no more notion of thanking this God who I didn’t believe in for anything. I couldn’t wait to get back to my
grandparents’ house. I had no more thought of God that day. God had other plans. That night I was getting ready to get into bed. There was a hand being placed on my shoulder and the hand pushed me to the floor. No-one was in the room other than me. The first thought that went through my mind was, “Ok, God is real!” This was a big paradigm shift for me. One moment I did not believe in the existence of God, the next moment I did. I said a prayer for the first time: thanking God for the
people He brought into my life. The first verse I memorised out of the Bible was 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “…in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Now, I didn’t understand anything about the Gospel or the Bible. One thing I did know was that if God was real, then the Bible is true and God could be trusted.

I headed back home to the church that I once hated going to. I was eager to learn about the Bible, God and Jesus. It wasn’t long after that I gave my heart and life to Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour. The Lord brought key people into my life. Dale Sutherland was a 16-year-old in the youth group who took me under his wing and discipled me. He wrote a note in a Bible he bought me saying, “Woody – You best use this Book. The Spirit didn’t give it to you so it could sit around. Open it, underline it, put it in your heart and the words within will forever be etched in your heart. Love,
Dale” Dale was a good role-model and an important friend in the early days of my Christian walk.

A testimony is not just the story of the conversion experience, but what Christ continues to do in life. My mother died in August of 1981. We moved house and had many more challenges which the Lord helped.

I eventually got degree in Computers. I thought that I could use my education in computers to help with Bible translation. God always has bigger and better plans. I found out about an opportunity to serve in Ireland with a ministry called Ireland Outreach in 1992. Again, more lessons about ministry and working with people. There I met Elaine from Belfast. She had come from a hard background of alcohol, drugs and gangs. Elaine and I got married in Belfast in 1994 and moved to Baltimore straight away. We went back to Hillendale (my home church) and found that there were a number of people getting saved from addiction backgrounds. Elaine had invited Stauros to come to the States to help.
In 1995 Tom Eakins and Stan Gowdy came from Stauros. Stauros gave us an invitation to come on staff in 1997 and God confirmed the call in early 1998. We arrived in Northern Ireland in the autumn of 1998. Never did I think that God would bring me into this work. I always thought that I would
serve the Lord in the way I thought best. I learned this: God is not interested in what we have or what we think we can offer, He is interested in having us. Philippians 2:13, “for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.”

My life began to unravel at a young age. When I was twelve, my parents separated, and my mother was left to raise four children on her own. Working long hours to provide for us, she could not always know where I was or who I was with. It was during those years that I first started drinking alcohol. Although I did not enjoy the taste, I enjoyed the confidence and escape it seemed to give me. What began as a youthful experiment developed into a destructive lifestyle that would dominate much of my life for nearly three decades.

As the years passed, drinking and gambling became normal parts of my life. I married my wife, Pamela, and we were blessed with two wonderful children. Yet instead of being the husband and father I should have been, I was caught up in a lifestyle that hurt both myself and those I loved. Looking back, I am deeply grateful for God’s protection during those years, despite the many wrong choices I made.

Everything began to change when Pamela became a Christian. Her life was transformed, but rather than follow her example, I kept my distance from God. Over time, our lives moved in different directions. Pamela found strength and purpose in Christ, while I continued down a path of drinking, gambling, and emptiness.

By 2001, I knew I could not go on living as I was. The things I once relied on no longer satisfied me, and my life had become little more than existing from day to day. For the first time, I admitted that I needed help. More importantly, I realized I needed God.

In March 2001, while staying at a Stauros Foundation residential centre for people with addictions, I came to understand that alcohol and gambling were not my greatest problem. My greatest problem was my sin, and that was what Christ had come to deal with. One evening, I knelt before God, repented of my sins, and asked Jesus Christ to become my Saviour.

That night changed everything.

After spending forty years going in the wrong direction, God set my feet on a new path. He gave me forgiveness, purpose, and hope. He also gave me a burden to help others who felt trapped, hopeless, and forgotten, just as I once did.

Today, I have the privilege of serving in full-time ministry with the Stauros Foundation. In God’s remarkable providence, I even became manager of the very residential centre where I first encountered Him. It is a constant reminder that God is able to transform lives in ways we could never imagine.

My testimony is simple: no one is beyond the reach of God’s grace. No matter what mistakes you have made or what burdens you carry, God offers forgiveness and a new beginning through Jesus Christ.

It truly is no secret what God can do. What He has done for others, He can do for you.

There are two ways we all go through life: by choices and by circumstances. We make choices every day—some good and some bad—and we live with the consequences of those decisions. Circumstances, however, are the things that happen beyond our control, yet they still shape our lives.

Without question, the greatest choice I ever made was asking the Lord Jesus Christ to become my personal Saviour in August 2013.

But to understand what God has done, I need to go back to where my story began.

I was born in 1971 during the Troubles in Northern Ireland. I was the third of four children, with one sister and two brothers. Those were difficult times, and many men became involved in paramilitary organisations. My father was one of them, and he eventually went to prison. That left my mother to raise four children on her own. Struggling to cope, she turned to alcohol as a way of escaping the pressures of life, but what began as a crutch soon became an addiction.

Because my father was in prison and my mother’s drinking had become severe, social services became involved. They decided it would be best for us to be taken into care—a circumstance completely beyond our control.

My grandmother was sixty-five years old and couldn’t look after all four of us. My sister, Mandy, and my youngest brother, Philip, went to live with her. My older brother, Stephen, and I were placed in a children’s home called Palmerston in East Belfast. We stayed there for six months while my mother tried to overcome her addiction. Although she genuinely tried, things didn’t improve, and Stephen and I were transferred to Barnardo’s in Ballycastle. I was only six and a half years old, and Stephen was eight. We remained there for three and a half years until my father was released from prison and brought us home.

As I grew older, I tried to bury those painful memories. I convinced myself that many families during the Troubles had experienced similar hardships, and I tried to move on.

Stephen couldn’t. He constantly searched for answers about why we had been sent away and struggled deeply with feelings of rejection. Those unanswered questions often caused conflict between him and our father. Unable to find peace, Stephen turned to alcohol, and addiction took hold of his life.

Sadly, I chose a similar path. From an early age, I looked for acceptance and purpose in drinking, relationships and eventually drugs.

I married at eighteen and had my first child, but that marriage ended. Another relationship followed, and I had two more children, but that relationship also fell apart. Throughout those years, alcohol and drugs became increasingly central in my life. I was trying to fill a void that only God could fill.

In 1997 I met Maggie through my younger sister. At that time, Maggie also enjoyed drinking and taking drugs, and our relationship quickly revolved around partying. We worked during the week and lived for the weekends. At first it was Friday and Saturday nights, but gradually the weekends became longer until our lives revolved entirely around alcohol and drugs.

What had started as something we controlled soon began controlling us.

Because we both held down jobs, we convinced ourselves we didn’t have a problem. We believed addicts were people sleeping on street corners or unable to work. We couldn’t see that we were simply functioning addicts living in complete denial.

While I was consumed by my own addiction, I failed to realise just how far Stephen’s alcoholism had progressed. In 2006, at only thirty-six years old, he died because of his addiction.

His death shook me deeply. I remember asking myself, “Is this what life is? You have a painful childhood, grow older, nothing really changes, and then you die.” Instead of seeking God, however, I sank even deeper into alcohol and cocaine, eventually taking at least a gram of cocaine every day alongside heavy drinking.

Then one Maggie told me she had become a Christian.

My response was simple: “If that’s what you want, that’s fine as long as it doesn’t effect us.”

From that moment our marriage changed dramatically. Maggie found new purpose in Christ, while I continued living for drink, drugs and my friends. For the next three years our relationship deteriorated. We argued constantly, and sometimes we barely spoke. She had God and the fellowship of Christians; I had nothing but addiction.

In January 2013, Maggie finally reached the end of herself. She told me I had to choose between drink and drugs or her and our children.

To my shame, I chose drink and drugs.

I moved out, while Maggie and the girls moved back in with her parents. I still visited the children, but after several months Maggie said something I have never forgotten. She told me, “I don’t care if the whole world falls apart around me. As long as I have God, He is all I need.”

Those words stayed with me.

A week later I tried to stop drinking and taking drugs in my own strength. By Friday night the cravings became overwhelming. I went to bed early, hoping sleep would get me through another day. The next morning, as I sat on the edge of my bed completely sober, I heard these words clearly in my heart: “Trust in the Lord.”

I believe God was speaking to me.

I knelt beside my bed, confessed my sin, and asked Jesus Christ to save me. In that moment it felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I wish I could say that every problem disappeared that day, but that isn’t how the Christian life works. There have still been trials, disappointments and difficulties. The difference is that now I don’t face them alone.

Hebrews 4:15 reminds us, “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” Whatever touches us touches Him. He understands our struggles, our weaknesses and our pain. Even when we cannot see the way forward, God already sees the end from the beginning and faithfully leads His children.

Over time, God restored my marriage, delivered me from addiction, and lifted the depression that had once controlled my life. Today I have the privilege of serving in full-time ministry with Stauros and regularly taking part in street outreach in Belfast city centre, where I hand out gospel tracts and, most importantly, the good news of Jesus Christ.

Most precious of all, our children have been given the stable, loving home that I never experienced growing up. God’s grace has transformed not only my life but the life of my entire family.

If there is one thing I want people to remember from my testimony, it is this: no one is beyond the reach of God’s grace. No matter how badly you have failed or how dark your past may be, there is forgiveness in Jesus Christ. When you come to Him in repentance and faith, He forgives completely. God is able to restore broken lives, heal wounded hearts and make all things new. He certainly did it for me.

When I was 19 my mum was diagnosed with cancer and a year or so later, she passed away. I really believed God was going to heal my mum and I was gutted when she died. I felt angry towards God and thought he had let me down.

A short time later I started a new career which involved working shifts. This gave me the excuse to skip church and withdraw from all my church activities. At this stage I didn’t see the point of having God in my life as he didn’t hear my prayers for my mum, nor did he answer them the way I wanted him to!

I discovered that alcohol helped me block out the pain of grief, helping me become a ‘happier’ more confident person. This very quickly became a way of life for me and socialising and partying was my reward for working long hours and I loved being the life and soul of the party.

As time went on, I got married and had 3 children. Throughout this period of my life, I found juggling full time work very stressful. As the anxiety and stress increased, so did my alcohol intake to help me cope. It was the only thing that I knew could ‘numb’ what was going on in and around me.

After a while, I went back to church, but it was more out of duty to take the kids. I would have went through the motions on a Sunday morning, but that’s as far as my relationship with God went. He was still not my friend and I didn’t need him……. or so I thought!

I continued drinking and the more I drank, the more depressed I became. What began as the odd glass of wine here and there had developed into a monster that I couldn’t control or stop. It had become the thing that I needed to function.

I left work due to ill health and found myself in a very low place. No happiness, no confidence and I was living a lie that everything was wonderful when really, I was just hurting and empty. Living like this was exhausting and I tried to mask my true self from the outside world. I hated myself and hated my behaviour when I was drunk and I was hurting everyone around me who loved me and who were trying to help me – I was in self-destruct mode.

One night in November 2002, I was alone, drunk in my kitchen, when I felt the presence of God like I had never felt before. It’s a hard one to explain; but I came to the realisation that God was the only one who could help me out of the mess I was in.

I turned to a family member the next day, and they put me in touch with Stauros. I hadn’t a clue who Stauros were, but I knew I needed help if I wanted to reclaim my life back.

I rededicated me life back to God at that point and have been sober ever since. I can truthfully say that my life has changed so much for the better. I can now go to bed and wake up without feelings of guilt or regret. My relationships are much healthier, and I have a newfound confidence, not in myself, but in Christ. I give thanks to God regularly that he was true to his promise in scripture that he “would never leave me nor forsake me” even though I had turned my back on him. I now have a life worth living and I understand what it is to have a true relationship with God.

Does God give me everything I ask for now? Absolutely not, but I can trust that his ways are not my ways, and I have learned that he wants the very best for me and all I must do is to stay close to him and let him be Lord of my life. He is the one who helps me through the difficult times now, not alcohol.

God has given me the privilege to be part of the Stauros team, and to work with those, like me, who are trapped in addiction and feeling lost. As I draw alongside people, I share my life experience and the hope that can be found in Christ Jesus. He is the only one who can bring true freedom and restoration to our lives. I can testify wholeheartedly to this!

John 8:36 “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

As a child, I learned early what disability meant. I babysat Ian often, helped my mum, and tried to be responsible beyond my years. I still remember the night I accidentally set the house on fire trying to make bacon and toast while Mum was working in Stewart’s supermarket.

At that time, the only Christian in our family was my granny — something I didn’t even know until the day I got saved. My dad told her, “Our Kim’s good living now!”

Growing Up: Hidden Hurt and Quiet Struggles
Life was good in many ways, but it was also difficult. As a young person, I was often depressed, frustrated, and angry. I felt overshadowed by Ian’s needs and lost in the middle of it all. I envied other children who could just go out and play. I was shy, insecure, and always hiding behind Ian.

I watched my dad work faithfully, day and night shifts, while my mum struggled with life and turned to drink for comfort. Even as a child, I knew I didn’t like how alcohol changed them. Mum became overly loving; Dad became nasty. That wasn’t who they truly were.

God Steps In
When we lived in Glencairn, God placed new neighbours beside us — Alan and Dorothy Graham — who had just become Christians. My dad didn’t trust them at first, but they faithfully brought me to Sunday School and Good News Club. That’s where I first heard about Jesus and what He had done for me.

My first memory verses were Ephesians 2: 8–9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God not a result of works, so that no one may boast. I remember going home thinking, Why don’t Mum and Dad believe this good news? But I knew I had to. I wanted this gift. I wanted heaven, not hell.

I made a decision for Christ at 7 years old, again at 13, and again at 15 — not because I wasn’t saved, but because I panicked that maybe I hadn’t done it right. With no Christians at home, I didn’t know how to grow until God brought someone into my life to disciple me.

Loss, Pain, and Learning to Trust God
My journey hasn’t been easy. My brother Ian died when he was 25. I watched my parents drown their grief in alcohol. I hated the atmosphere it created, but I never hated them — only the drink and what it was doing to them and our family.

I left school, worked in a building society, and loved it. But God called me to tell others about Him. I left my job, went to Bible College, and thought I might end up in Africa. Instead, God kept me on the Shankill Road with Baptist Missions, and later in East Belfast with the East Belfast Mission all working in community telling others about Jesus.

I married in 2015 and had my daughter Beth in 2016. Life looked good — until 2017/18, the most difficult years of my life.

My parents’ health declined rapidly. On 17 September 2017, after checking on my dad several times that day, I found him dead. I then had to tell my mum, who was in Musgrave Hospital. When she came home, I moved in to care for her. Four months later, on 20 January 2018, she passed away too.

Then, in the summer of 2018, my marriage ended. In less than a year, I lost my dad, my mum, and my marriage — three of the most important people in my life. I was left with a one year old child, grief, pain, and a sense of barely standing.

All I could do was trust God, one step at a time.

God’s Faithfulness in the Middle of Brokenness
God kept His promise to save me — and He kept His promise to keep me. He provided for Beth and me in ways I still can’t fully express. Beth, at 3 years old, came in and told me she was a Christian. I believe God can save children; He saved me at 7.

Looking back, I can see how God guided and protected me. Yes, I made wrong choices at times, but He never left me. And He didn’t leave me and my daughter.

If I hadn’t trusted Christ at 7, I might have followed the same path as my parents, turning to alcohol to cope. But God saved me from that and I praise Him.

A Life of Ministry
I once wanted to be an air hostess, but God led me into ministry. Since 2002, I’ve had the privilege of working fulltime with people, seeing many come to Christ and be baptised. I’ve helped start a church, spoken in schools, and shared the gospel with children and parents.

Now God has brought me to The Stauros Foundation — working with people struggling with addiction, the very thing I hated growing up with. I believe my past was training ground for my present calling.

A Final Word
No matter your age, get your life sorted with God. At the beginning of my story, only my granny was saved. Today, my mum, dad, Ian, and many aunts and uncles are all in heaven — not because of drink, but because they trusted Christ.

Christ won’t let you down. If you don’t make a decision, you’ve already made one — to reject Him.

My father came from a large family, and as I reached my teenage years many of my uncles and aunts became ill and died, several at a young age. As one after another passed away, I developed a growing fear of death. My father often remarked that he would be next, and a sense of dread settled over me.

When I was about fourteen I became painfully aware of my own mortality. The anxiety was overwhelming, but I told no one. Soon afterwards I began drinking with friends, and for the first time I found relief from the fear. Alcohol seemed to quiet the anxiety, and I believed I had found the answer.

From the beginning alcohol affected me differently. It created an appetite for more, and over the years my drinking steadily increased. By the age of seventeen my girlfriend became pregnant. We married, and our first daughter, Karen, was born. Later we had another daughter. Outwardly life looked respectable—I had work, a home and a family—but my drinking worsened and our marriage became increasingly unhappy. At the same time the deaths in my family continued, deepening my fear and hopelessness until eventually my father also died.

His death pushed me over the edge. I left my job, abandoned my family and drank constantly. My doctor prescribed antidepressants and referred me to a psychiatrist, but because I continued drinking nothing changed.

I left Scotland, travelled through England and Canada, and eventually settled on the Isle of Man, where my brother lived. By then drinking and drugs had become my whole way of life. I cared for no one and nothing. I drifted further into addiction until I became an alcoholic and drug addict, using amphetamines, cocaine and heroin.

Then, in 1985, everything began to change. While sitting in someone’s flat drinking beer and smoking cannabis, an acquaintance came in and said, “Did you hear about John P.? He’s got saved!” I had no idea what that meant, but somehow I knew I wanted whatever had happened to him. I discovered he had been saved at an Elim church on Park Road, and I persuaded a couple of friends to come with me.

Almost immediately I became aware of the presence of God. Within a few weeks I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. I was baptised in water and later experienced the power of the Holy Spirit in a life-changing way. God answered prayers in remarkable ways during those early days of faith.

Not long afterwards I was diagnosed with aggressive bladder cancer. The consultant warned me that it did not look good, but I told him I believed God would heal me. A few months later he was delighted to tell me I was completely clear. More than thirty years later I remain cancer-free.

Despite all God had done, I gradually drifted away from church. Working at sea surrounded by heavy drinking and drug-taking, I slipped back into my old lifestyle. For years I worked around the world, living recklessly, yet I could never deny what Christ had done for me. Whenever anyone mocked God, I found myself defending Jesus. I knew He was alive, even though my own life contradicted my words.

Eventually I returned to work on the ferries serving the Isle of Man. I stopped drinking for four years while living in Yorkshire, but when I returned to the island I fell back into old habits. This time, however, sin brought no satisfaction. One morning I arrived at work utterly broken. Suffering physically, emotionally and spiritually, I hid away and began to pray.

For two hours I cried out to God. At first nothing seemed to happen. Then the Lord reminded me of everything He had done for me over the years. I prayed, “Lord, I know You are real. It’s all my fault. I’m so sorry. I deserve the way I feel, but I’d rather You take me home than let me go on living like this.”

In that moment everything changed. It felt as though all the poison drained out of me and God’s peace flooded in. My tears became tears of gratitude as I stood amazed by His mercy and grace.

I made one simple prayer: “Lord, with Your help I’ll never drink or take drugs again.” Then I prayed another: “Lord, with Your help I’ll tell others where to find love, grace and power to overcome.”

I returned to the church where I had first come to faith, grateful to be welcomed by both familiar and new faces. I also prayed that God would bring someone into my life who truly understood addiction and recovery.

The very next Sunday, Dewi Lloyd Humphrey was visiting the church to speak about the Stauros Foundation. As we talked afterwards I knew God had answered my prayer. I began attending Stauros meetings and later volunteered alongside Dewi for eighteen months. When he left the island we continued the ministry, and in 2009 I left my job on the ferries to serve full-time with Stauros Isle of Man.

Looking back, I can see God’s hand at every stage of my life. Even when I wandered far from Him, He never abandoned me. He rescued me from fear, addiction and despair, restored me through His grace, and gave me the privilege of pointing others to the same hope I found in Jesus Christ. I have never doubted His faithfulness, and I have never regretted following His call.

My sister, a few years older, went through deeply troubled teenage years, partly due to a traumatic event during those years. She tried many things to numb her pain, until one day she tried church.
Her transformation at that time, after surrendering her life to God was undeniable. As I grew older, I followed her footsteps in less healthy ways. I began drinking at fourteen or fifteen. I was quiet and timid around people I didn’t know, and alcohol gave me a confidence I lacked. My best friend and I ran with older girls, thinking weekends of getting drunk were great fun. I stayed with friends because my parents would have been furious if had known what I was doing. I also compared myself constantly to my sister. She was an overachiever, excelling at whatever she set her mind to, even in her chaotic years. I gave up trying at school, ran with the wrong crowds, and underachieved. I couldn’t wait to leave school, get a job, and earn money. Looking back, I realise I was unhappy, living for weekends when I could escape myself for a while.

My sister often spoke to me about Jesus, the peace He had given her, and how the Holy Spirit changes us when we invite Him in. Eventually, on 28 October 1989, I agreed to attend a church event with her, making her promise not to tell my friends. Walking in felt alien. People were friendly, but I was cynical and doubted their sincerity. When worship began, I joined in because it reminded me of singing in the Gospel Hall as a wee girl. During the singing, I suddenly felt uncomfortable. I sensed a voice speaking to me, not audible, but unmistakably within my heart. I knew without doubt it was God. His words were: “Gillian, I really did send my Son to die for you, and I want you to be my child.”
Shocked, I ran out of the church in tears. I couldn’t deny what I’d heard, even though I didn’t fully understand it. In faith, I surrendered myself to God that night, but not out of fear, as I had when I was younger, but because I couldn’t believe the Almighty God wanted me, someone who felt so small, insignificant and not worthy in any way. When my sister brought me back inside, someone shared a picture God had shown them: a rag doll being pulled in two directions, the devil and the things of this world on one side, and God on the other. I knew instantly this was me. That night, God turned my life completely around. He turned the direction of my life 180°, and set me on a new path with Him. I still feared what my friends would say, but even at fifteen, I was more afraid of not following Jesus.

Looking back, I believe God’s protective hand was over me from the moment I first asked Him in. He has walked with me through every mountaintop and valley. I have known His peace and presence in miraculous ways. He has led me into opportunities to serve Him far beyond anything I imagined.
Working as part of the Stauros team is a huge privilege. I first became involved in 2001, volunteering with Linda McCredie. I love the heart of this ministry. It is so encouraging to see men and women set free from addiction, their pain and shame through the power of the Gospel. I understand what it is like to carry shame in your life, but I have also witnessed the power of Jesus name to break strongholds and bringing people from darkness to light. “So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free” – John 8:36

The Lord has taken me from Scotland to the U.S., back to Scotland, and now Northern Ireland. I have been blessed in my marriage to Tommy McQuillan, raising our two beautiful daughters here. The early days of our married life were not easy. Our firstborn arrived over three months early due to severe preeclampsia. She weighed just 1lb 4oz. Doctors told us they could give no predictions, only to take plenty of photos and video. She spent ten weeks in ICU and another four and a half in high dependency. Tommy and I prayed like never before. We desperately wanted a miracle. Our families, our Stauros family, and people around the world prayed. We asked God to do what we could not.
We prayed to bring home a perfect daughter despite the consultants’ predictions. God was gracious and merciful, and our daughter is living testimony to that. Psalm 34:17–19 became real to us: “The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

We have faced many highs and lows in our married life, as everyone does, but through it all, the Lord has been faithful and gracious. Life brings hardship, that’s simply part of being human, but I cannot imagine a life without Jesus. I wouldn’t want to, now that I have lived in the goodness of God. He has been my Saviour, my Shepherd, my peace, and my constant companion, and I want to give Him all the glory for every part of my story.